Some relationship tips my therapist would want you to know ; )

So there I was reading facebook and in addition to all the friends that I follow, I also follow different organizations and companies. I came across this article about the 40 best relationship tips ever, and some of them are great. It got me thinking about my last relationship and hopes for the future. Here are some things I've learned and will keep in mind going forward....

First - Don't dismiss to quickly.
I think I really learned about this in my last relationship. You know, when we first went out, I was really unsure about my ex. But I thought I would just give it another chance just to see. I didn't want to give up too quickly....you know? And then he did something really cute and so I give it another date. And then before you knew it, that was that. So, going forward, I need to remember this.

Second - Mature Love
When you're young, love and dating is so new. You are infatuated  with each other. You look back to those first relationships and think that all of your relationships should be like that. But then you're older and in a real relationship. This particluar blog I read said, "Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says: 'I need you because I love you.'" You know, you can't just throw something away because the intensity has fizzled a little bit. That's bound to happen with work and bills and friends and family and a million other things that consume our day to day lives. You stay together because you love each other. And then you work on your relationship every day because that's so.

Third - Keep the conversation going
I first learned about this from one of my best friends. You know, get in a fight about something, and then I'd get all upset and run out of the room (or apartment) crying and need some time to collect my thoughts. She would want to have a knock-down, drag-out fight right there. Anyways, there is conflict in all relationships. With your siblings, parents, friends, and whomever you end up with. You can't just not talk about stuff. You can't just brush it under the rug. Just because two people disagree doesn't mean that your relationship is doomed. How can you expect two people, with two different sets of expectations, who want some different things to agree on everything? That would probably be pretty boring. So, when conflict arises, always better to talk it out and then forget about it! (And that is what I loved best about the friend mentioned above. She never brought out a 7 year grudge list on me!)

Anyways, I guess that is all for now. Tomorrow's the day of the first date post-breakup. Perhaps tomorrow's blog will report on how it goes!

btw - the article came from The Gottman Institute on facebook. You should check them out! Lots of great tips for relationships there!