Teacher Appreciation Week 2021

I had this hope that each day this week on facebook I was going to send some notes of appreciation but then I.... didn't, ha. But, I have been thinking about all the people I wanted to appreciate this week and so I thought I should compose this before time slipped away again!

To recap from Monday, when I did write an appreciation, the first one I sent out was to LeeAnn, a friend from my first year of teaching. That year, I was so lucky to cross paths with LeeAnn, she was on my team! She was passionate then about technology (and as you can see, she still is today!) I remember that I got my first Mac at Creighton and learned about digital video cameras (this was 2003, people) and all things tech from LeeAnn. She inspired me with gaggle net (I think it was a kid friendly search engine?) and I was quickly learning about digital pictures and videos and iMovie and blogging too! I can’t imagine a teaching life without technology and LeeAnn, you led me in that direction with love, patience, and constant reflection. That and showing me how to teach with firm, yet loving classroom management. Thank you for inspiring me and happy teacher appreciation week, friend!

A few years after that, I had two amazing teachers at Arizona State for grad school - Charlotte and Susanna. Their class was Reading Assessment, and it was the two of them and their curriculum that changed my whole philosophy of education. Prior to knowing these two beautiful people, I was very behaviorist in my approach with kids. But, with their knowledge I realized how much better a social constructivist perspective is as far as learning for students go. They introduced me to Lucy Calkins and Nancy Atwell. Kelly Gallagher and Ralph Fletcher. And of course Yetta Goodman and Louise Rosenblatt. Their impact will be felt for years to come, and I can't imagine where I'd be without them!

And next, Christine Jantz - girl, you taught me so much about literacy. You helped me turn theory into practice! Thank you for for all of your knowledge in reading and writing that you generously offered me (anecdotal notes...hello authentic data collection!), and also, the ear when I was just learning about how to be a coach. I'm so glad we had those few years together when we shared an office. It was really some of the best moments spending them together with you!

Emerson teachers, a note of thanks to you as well. Working with you gave me a tiny insight into all the things elementary teachers do so well, especially your knowledge about differentiation. You all had one of the biggest impacts on my instruction; I learned how to do conferring best from all of you! Thank you for all you do for your students, and super big hug from me for being so impactful on my view of highly effective instruction.

Leah and Amy, I offer an appreciation to you two next. You were there for me as I transitioned from the classroom to the coaching role. Still to this day, we learn together, problem solve together, and lean on one another. I have learned so much from you working at your side on various projects, and I'm just really excited about what will come next. Thank you for all you do for the teachers in our district, and especially for me!

Heritage teachers, major props for all your work on one of the strangest years ever. Without skipping a beat, you changed the whole format of teaching and made it remote, and then hybrid. You took the already amazing work we have been doing the past few years and found ways to innovate it on zoom and then on zoom *and with kids in front of you. Thank you for talking lessons through with me (you know I love those learning progressions!) and showing up for me when I needed you. And making me laugh on the daily. There's not another school I think I could feel more home at, and it's not lost on me that it's the people that make you feel that way. Love you guys!

Wouldn't be my blog without a nod to an educator I'm learning from via PD books, and this year, it's Elena Aguilar. Thank you for all the work you do to teach and inspire coaches. Your book, Coaching for Equity, is one of the best books I've read in a few years. Thank you for sharing the ways you have coached others around implicit bias and racism. As teachers, we are lucky to serve others in ways that can leave a lasting impact on others, and I so value the work you've done and then shared with us. I'm on the path, and looking forward to learning more about this important work in the months and years to come.

Finally, Allison and Michelle, my principals who are teachers at heart. I want to send a note of gratitude for the way you taught me through your leadership. From you I learned that sharing leadership is such an effective method for building collective efficacy. You've taught me how to lead groups and you've constantly modeled a calm and loving demeanor to all of us here at HMS, and these are lessons I carry with me day-to-day. This year, thank you for all of the little notes and the staff check-in surveys, and the treats in our mailboxes. (The "pooped" emoji pen right before thanksgiving is still my fave!) I love HMS and that is in large part to the way you lead our Ohana each and every day!

Honestly, I could go on and on about teachers near and far who make a difference every day, thank you for the work you do to make our world a better place, one lesson, one conversation, and one day at a time!

Who are you thankful for? Send them a note and let them know!

tweet tweet

Ahhh, spring in 8th grade. (Today it's 2 degrees in Chicago, but who's counting?) But ahhhh, spring in 8th grade. The kids are finding their boyfriends and girlfriends, and what esle could be better?

Well, what could be worse is your teacher calling you out on it.

There are these two kiddos who I especially adore. Let's call them Annie and Adam. I have known Annie since she was in fifth grade, when that was our last year at the elementary school. After that year, we both looped up (me back) to the middle school.

The following year, I had Adam in homeroom. Sixth graders are kinda shy, but he was always a personable kid. Annie and I lost a bit of touch until this year, but we have since reconnected and I see her, and Adam, every day again.

As eighth graders, these two are the best. They are funny, witty, smart, people persons. They are both in ELA with Andrea during block 4, and although I do not teach that block with her, I sometimes find myself in there after my other commitments, packing up to go home. Without a doubt, these two will ALWAYS find a way to say hello. Annie sits right by where my space is, and Adam usually needs his pencil sharpened (which is right by my space) about the time I return.

For most of the year, it was just fun and pleasantries. Until Annie and Adam became an item.

Now, I can do that thing that parents and teachers do - just a look and they'll blush.

But sometimes, I'll see them in the hall together, and I'll be like, "Hey Lovebirds!" (This is so reminiscent of Julia Bray, a coteacher I had about a decade ago, that I miss dearly.)

They will see, or hear this, and immediately blush and walk away from one another.

But the best? One afternoon I did this, and a friend of Adam's, let's call him Sam, followed up my greeting with "Tweet, tweet." 

Someone who understands me!

This is the best, especially with the kindest, funniest, happiest kids who will let it go and quietly remind me later to please stop. (I will not.)

Miracle Morning

Happy Monday Friends! Awesome to be home today on a snowy Monday, three day weekend. On deck today are all the chores I didn't do yet, like laundry, more meal prep for the week, planning out some things for school tomorrow, and getting paperwrok in line for my taxes tomorrow night. BUUUTTT, that stuff isn't fun, so instead I'm listening to Ariana Grande and blogging :-) Today I'm going to share a routine that is all about self care and putting yourself first. If you want to earn some of those self-care reward stickers, read on!

Today, like all my other days, I got up and started with Miracle Morning. This is a habit I've been working on since January and it's making such a difference in my life. It gets my mind set straight before any of the stressors of life enter. Let me tell you what it involves, and then tell you what I'm finding.

Six steps, order then as you wish, but remember "SAVERS" as an acronym to get all the benefits.

Silence
I'm talking meditation, prayer, breathing. Just be. Work on calming the mind and your thoughts so you can learn to be more fully present. I use the Calm app for this which has awesome, daily 10 minute meditations. If you're a teacher you can get a free account, just go here. No matter how you choose to do so, find some quiet silence to begin your day.

Affirmations
Tell yourself some encouraging words to live out your life's purpose. Think in terms of gratitude! Every day, I write down five things I'm thankful for as a way to affirm the good things that have already come into my life. When you get in the habit of looking for things you are thankful for, you start to see more and more of that as you go about your day.

Vision
To start with this, you need to get your goals down. They can be yearly goals, or goals for a 3-5 year plan, or even 10 years. Some people make vision boards as such a way to visualize them. Once you know your goals, you will write them every morning in present tense. Mine start out like this:

10 dreams I made happen (this is a la Rachel Hollis and her Start Today Journal, currently sold out, but pop to that link to get your name on the list!) Okay so in my journal, this Vision part looks like this:

10 dreams I made happen 
1. I have impeccable health, in mind, body, and spirit.
2. I have $10K in savings.

and they go on like that, all 10, written every day. By hand writing them, you spend a little bit of time on each, and if you have a vision board, have that close so you can visualize. Law of Attraction. It's the thing!

Exercise
Not a whole production, either. Just five minutes to get your blood flowing. I set my timer for 5 min and do the following, mostly yoga:

Sun A flow a few times
High Plank
Down Dog
Sleeping Pigeon
Pushups
Supine Twist
Happy Baby

No matter what you choose, just get five minutes of movement in to get your day going. While you're doing that, you can work on calming the mind. If you have a hard time with that, focus on deep  breathing.

Reading
Read some cool stuff to fill up your mind with positivity. I love The Book of Awakening for this. It's a day book with short passages each day to inspire you. Sometimes they inspire you to let stuff go. Sometimes they inspire you to reconsider some limiting beliefs. Sometimes they reaffirm a belief you hold. Sometimes it's poetry, sometimes its a quote, sometimes it pushes your thinking. No matter what, it's good stuff to begin a day and get you thinking.

Scribbling
Scribbling, a synonym for Writing so the "SAVERS" acronym works. Get to some writing. Sometimes you don't even know what ideas of yours are lurking beneath the surface because you need to take time to write, and in doing so, things come out unexpectedly that really illuminate where you are in life.

So that's it!

Like I mentioned earlier, I've been practicing this for about six weeks. I wake up at 5:00 and get to this first thing. My routine is as follows:

1. Write five things I'm thankful for (Affirmations)
2. Write the 10 dreams I made happen (Visualizing)
3. Read a bit
4. Write a bit
5. Exercise flow
6. Meditate

If I have to wash my hair, I usually do the exercise part first, hop in the shower, and then let my hair air dry a bit while I work though the rest.

If I'm running late, I do the meditation in the evening.

Sometimes I miss a day, or sometimes I miss the meditation.

I can tell you that my days are way better when I have this practice happening. I am in a happier mood, I see all the good in things, I am much more calm and collected in my moments of anxiety throughout my day. I've learned to slow down in those stressful moments - significantly. This practice will really make a difference for you if you can get up and get though the early-morning grind.

I have a little something for you! The little cheat-cheat picture at left is available here for you to download and print in case you'd like to have a reference point to get started.

Do you already practice Miracle Morning? The person who taught me is Faith, you should totally follow her if you're on Instagram! Thank you, Faith, for the inspiration and great habits you bring into my life!

And, connect with me on Instagram, too, if you're not already! I'd love to have you tag me in some awesome routines like this that set up some awesome self care! Or, leave a comment and let's hear what you're up to!

Tiny Beautiful Things

It's 4:28 and I'm still in my pajamas and it's amazing.

With this first week of summer, my main goal has been to sleep in later. When you get up at 5:30 every day for 9 months, it takes time to sleep to 7:30 again, so when I was still in bed at 9:15 this morning, I was so proud of myself, even if my stepmonster called me a slug for it! :-)

That turned into reading blogs online until 10:30, then a Skype date with a friend, an Amazon delivery, and then, spending the entire day reading a book I bought as a birthday gift, here it is:

This book is a book of letters, letters to Dear Sugar that are responded to bluntly, matter-of-factly, with some explicit language, but always with empathy. That's exactly what this book is about - a book of empathy on many different complications in this long, lovely life we all lead.

I wanted to share the last letter with you, it's lovely. Also, share some commentary. So here it is.

Tiny Beautiful Things

Dear Sugar,

I read your column religiously. I'm twenty-two. From what I can tell by your writing, you're in your early forties. My question is short and sweet: What would you tell your twentysomething self if you could talk to her now?

Love, Seeking Wisdom

Dear Seeking Wisdom,

Stop worrying about whether you're fat. You're not fat. Or rather, you're sometimes a little bit fat, but who gives a shit? (A-fucking-men.) There is nothing more boring and fruitless than a woman lamenting on the fact that her stomach is round. Feed yourself. Literally. The sort of people worthy of your love will love you more for this, sweet pea.

In the middle of the night in the middle of your twenties when your best woman friend crawls naked into your bed, straddles you, and says, "You should run away from me before I devour you," believe her.

You are not a terrible person for wanting to break up with someone you love. You don't need a reason to leave. (But when one of your reasons involves the content of the first paragraph of this letter, best be on your way.) Wanting to leave is enough. Leaving doesn't mean you're incapable of real love or that you'll never love anyone else again. It doesn't mean you're morally bankrupt or psychologically demented or a nymphomaniac. It means you wish to change the terms of one particular relationship. That's all. Be brave enough to break your own heart. (Wish I would have read that last line last September, but still feels good to gloss my eyes over that one today.)

When the really sweet but fucked-up gay couple invites you over to their cool apartment to do Ecstasy with them, say no.

There are some things you can't understand yet. Your life will be a great and continuous unfolding. It's good you've worked hard to resolve childhood issues while in your twenties, but understand that what you resolve will need to be resolved again. And again. You will come to know things that can only be known with the wisdom and age and grace of years. Most of those things will have to do with forgiveness. (So true that as our lives unfold, as we see more, learn more, spend more time with new people, with the same people, our experiences are recolored through a new set of lenses. The work of understanding is never done.)

One evening you will be rolling around on the wooden floor of your apartment with a man who will tell you he doesn't have a condom. You will smile in this spunky way that you think is hot and tell him to fuck you anyway. This will be a mistake for which you alone will pay.

Don't lament so much about how your career is going to turn out. You don't have a career. You have a life. (Work to live, my friends.) Do the work. Keep the faith. Be true blue. You are a writer because you write. Keep writing and quit your bitching. Your book has a birthday. You don't know what it is yet. (Ahhhh, love these joyous words. However I build an amazing future, be it via writing, sharing Arbonne, consulting regarding teaching, or some new way I haven't figured out yet, all I know is that the stuff on my vision board most certainly will become a reality.)

You cannot convince people to love you. This is an absolute rule. No one will every give you love because you want him or her to give it. (Got a good understanding of this in the months since last August. Amazing what a little distance and new people can do for you.) Real love moves freely in both directions. Don't waste your time on anything else.

Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you'll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you'll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.

One hot afternoon during the era in which you've gotten yourself ridiculously tangled up with heroin, you will be riding the bus and thinking what a worthless piece of crap you are when a little girl will get on the bus holding the strings of two purpose balloons. She'll offer you one of the balloons, but you won't take it because you believe you no longer have a right to such tiny beautiful things. You're wrong. You do. (Please substitute any shit in your life for the heroin. We always deserve the tiny, beautiful things.)

Your assumptions about the lives of others are in direction relation to your naive pomposity. Many people you believe to be rich are not rich. Many people you think have it easy worked hard for what they got. Many people who seem to be gliding right along have suffered and are suffering. Many people who appear to you to be old and stupidly saddled down with kids and cars and houses were once every bit as hip and pompous as you.

When you meet a man in the doorway of a Mexican restaurant who later kissed you while explaining that this kiss doesn't "mean anything" because, as much as he likes you, he is not interested in having a relationship with you or anyone right now, just laugh and kiss him back. Your daughter will have his sense of humor. Your son will have his eyes. 

The useless days will all up to something. The shitty waitressing jobs. The hours writing in your journal. The long meandering walks. The hours reading poetry and story collections and novels and dead people's diaries and wondering about sex and God and whether you should shave your arms or not. These things are your becoming.

One Christmas at the very beginning of your twenties when your mother gives you a warm coat that she saved for months to buy, don't look at her skeptically after she tells you should though the coat was perfect for you. Don't hold it up and say it's longer than you like your coats to be and too puffy and possibly too warm. Your mother will be dead by spring. That coat will be the last give she gave you. You will regret the small thing you didn't say for the rest of your life. (How fragile life is, remember that. It could change in an instant, so tell the people you love that you love them. Be patient when your family annoys you. Go visit your Grandfather, hell, take him to a Cubs spring training game. Do the things of importance every day to show those you care about just how much you love them.)

Say thank you. (Be thankful, people. Think in small moments of gratitude, for your family, for your old friends, for all that is new, for the books you had delivered from Amazon, and the gift your bff won't mind you reading before you give it to her. Appreciate this beautiful life.)

Yours, Sugar

Has anyone else read this book? Thoughts?

up up & away

A few weeks ago I saw a video with Brené Brown and she was talking about boundaries. I've been thinking about it ever since for a lot of different reasons: I continue to reflect on my last relationship, I'm thinking about possibilities of new relationships too, and deciding what is and what isn't acceptable. I'm in relationships with lots of other people too - family and friends, colleagues at work. The more and more I think about boundaries, the more I'm coming to realize it's in my best interest do draw a line in the sand: One side is okay with me, the other side is not.

Before I go any further, take a few and check out her video:

I have learned so much from my friends, and one thing from Katie and drastically improved my life: Be honest and upfront when people piss you off, and then it's over.

So last year, when my ex brought up something that had been on his mind for months, years even, I totally understood what it felt like to be left in the dark, and I decided I didn't ever want to do that to someone because it wasn't fair. I am be honest with my family and friends and get things off my chest because I would want the same in return.

It's not easy to tell someone you care about (or maybe even someone you don't care about) things they are doing that are crossing the line. Talk about vulnerability - that's it right that. But the thing is that once you do, you feel lighter. Then, the other person knows where you stand and this really creates the space for self-love. They can choose to do what they want with the information, but then it's off your chest and I'm not even kidding when I tell you that you feel like a balloon, drifting up, up, up, so high above everything, feeling light and happy and having nothing bring you down.

Thank you, Brené for reminding me of this.

Your thoughts?

how to do a breakup #likeaboss

Yes, you heard that right. Currently living the breakup world. Luckily I'm super pissed so there's way less tears than last time, but anyways it still sucks. That being said, here are some tips for getting through it.

1. Make a kick-ass breakup playlist and spin it on repeat until you can't take it anymore. Here's a few from mine:

What Goes Around - Justin Timberlake

Forget You - CeeLo Green

Tears Dry On Their Own - Amy Winehouse

Irreplaceable - Beyoncé

Fireball - Pitball (ha, I just like it)

Something in the Water - Carrie Underwood

F*ck You - Lily Allen

Elastic Heart - Sia

She's so strange. Good song though.

2. Make a secret board on Pinterest and pin all kinds of breakup things. You'll most certainly come across things like this that will cheer you up:

Here's the complete buzzfeed, which is pretty amazing.

3. Go order this book and read it cover to cover so you don't let the same shit happen again.

Let his words be gospel.

4. Clean up your social media. Delete him and his family from all platforms. No contact. For realsies.

5. Call your girlfriends and go out and get blitzed. Make sure you get some hot pictures of yourself in the process, too...but you probably won't and if you end up puking on your bedroom floor instead, hey, you didn't drunk dial, so we can call that a win.

6. Do the thing you love a lot. My thing is writing, so here you go. Actually, it's quite therapeutic.

7. Remove all the things from your house that will remind you of him. Then, clean the hell out of your apartment and then go buy new stuff to make yourself feel better. So far, I've got new sheets, a new decoration for my bathroom, and a Buddha statue.

8. Workout. And then do it some more. I'll be running a 5K in no time. And eat right. Except in the event of #4, in which case you can eat some pizza and a donut from Stans, provided you have enough energy to go get one.

9. Watch season 2 of Sex and the City.

10. And when you feel like crying, look at the funny things on that Pinterest board.

Seriously.

What's your strategy?

Ratings or Research?

I don't get it.

Last night as I was watching the coverage of the election, I saw a promo for Fox News this morning saying they were going to interview a guy who was saying that marriage is dead. Since one of my besties is a Marriage and Family Therapist, and because I'm on spring break, I thought this was something I should definitely tune in and see.

So there we were this morning, me, my laptop and coffee, and the news. I'm patiently waiting for this segment, and finally it comes on and the guy is being interviewed via Skype. As I'm listening, I'm wondering what his credentials are - oh, he's divorced and dating? Well that sounds like someone qualified to be ON THE NEWS.

Anita has her own therapy practice in Chicago and she has yet to be on the news. (I'm sure she's well on her way, but not yet!) But this guy who has no background in Marriage and Family Therapy is being interviewed.

Which got me to thinking - how concerned is the news with reporting real news and research vs. getting ratings? I mean, I tuned in for the same reason I'm sure many people did - for the shock value of the story. But then I hopped right onto Antia's facebook page to get her input:

See, I'm just so used to her preaching marriage and loving relationships and getting the knowledge we need to live those amazing relationships that I was just not feeling this guy and his blog post.

But, shout out to him for tweeting back to both Anita and I, and opening up the conversation.

If you want to read his blog, you can find it here. And, he's on twitter here.

And you definitely need to follow Anita! Here's her website, and here's her Twitter.

Go read his article. Thoughts?

What are you waiting for?

I've been wanting to write this blog for over a week, but haven't had the time. Last week in yoga, they read the following passage, which got me thinking. The following is from The Book of Awakening (Nepo, 2011), on the October 7th entry:

Until We Live It

We come with all these parts

and no instructions on how they go together.

It is so tempting to want the answers before we begin the journey. We like to know our way. We like to have maps. We like to have guides. But we are more like a breathing puzzle, a living bag of pieces, and each day shows us what a piece or two is for, where it might go, how it might fit. Over time, a picture starts to emerge by which we begin to understand our place in the world.

Unfortunately, we waste a lot of time seeking someone to tell us what life will be like once we live it. We drain ourselves of vital inner fortitude by asking others to map our way. At the end of all this stalling, though, we each have to venture out and simply see what happens.

The instructions are in the living, and I confess that of all the times I thought I liked this or didn't care for that, not one was my choosing or yours. For as the Earth was begun like a dish breaking, eternity is that scene slowly reversing, and you and I and the things we're drawn to are merely the pieces of God unbreaking back together.

For a real long time, before I dated my ex, I was always waiting and waiting for it to happen to me - for me to meet someone so I, as I thought, could get on with my life. I want a great marriage, and a house with my best friend, and maybe a kid one day. I want a  backyard and a puppy. I want to have two incomes supporting us so we can travel and have our kids experience all the amazing things in like that we enjoyed as kids. Up until after my breakup, I was always living in the future....waiting on the thing to happen that would change everything.

And then I met my ex and things were great - as far as everyone knew. I let a lot of things go that I shouldn't have, until I just couldn't anymore. We broke up and even though we only half way wanted to, we knew it was for the best.

But then a crazy thing happened. I found myself. I mean, I knew myself prior, but it's different now. I found yoga and my blogs. I began to have interests all my own, and find new friends who call me to do things all the time. I have great friends at work who I seriously love. And a job that I love every day. Seriously, I love my job every day. (Maybe not every moment of every day, but yeah....mostly all day.) I went back to school, and even though I hate doing the homework, I love collaborating with a new group of professors and teachers from all around the city.

I started planning lots of things - going to see the fall in the Northwoods with my family and a new Halloween costume with my cousin. I finally said yes to Europe with Heather, and even though it's bleeding me dry, I'm really going!!

Most importantly, I learned where my boundaries with others fall. Now I know exactly what is okay - those things I can let slide - and what's absolutely not okay. Obviously my next relationship will be totally different because it will be someone new, but it will also be different because it won't be one person having the final say most of the time. I definitely have more opinions about what will (and will not) be okay.

I guess I had to have this break up to learn this lesson. You can't wait for the other shoe to drop for things to start. You have to embrace where you are each day. Today I'm thankful for a breakfast with two great friends whom I miss tons, yoga at 1:30, and Breaking Bad. Kristi called and I'm going to watch the ASU game with her tonight. I'll get to the homework tomorrow.

So I ask: What are you waiting for to happen so something can begin? Are you waiting for your next great love? A proposal? A new house? A baby? Are you waiting for enough money to plan a trip or some other big event? Are you putting off what's great about today because you need to first experience something in the future?

Find a way to enjoy all the blessings that are in the present moment. Now that I've began looking at things this way, my outlook is so much different. I feel so much more content with all the great things I do have. I think you will, too.

The craziest thing about all of this: The more I think in this way, the more amazing things happen to me. Perhaps I should buy a lottery ticket!

Now, let's hope the Sun Devils don't screw up another game....I'm hoping us ASU fans will be blessed again tonight and for the rest of the season! 

Happy Saturday!

Camel got me....

Went to yoga yesterday - finally, first time since last Monday. In the Hot Power Fusion class, it's the same sequence you go through, and camel pose is one we do towards the end. It looks like this:

Now first off, I can't reach my feet. In fact, I don't even reach for them, but put my hands in my "yogi pockets" right on my lower back. Every time we do this pose, they always tell us after, "Take a few minutes....this pose might bring up some stuff that you don't expect." Physically, it makes your heart race, and it also takes a lot of trust to go back and reach that far backwards (probably the reason I haven't even tried to reach for my feet yet.)

The whole theme of our class yesterday was "When the dark is at rest, the light begins to move." So our instructor read a little bit about this to us and kept talking about the darkness and light throughout class. We tried camel the first time, I came out of it early feeling really shaky and then she told us to try again - to look past the scariness and darkness of it and reach for the light.

I stuck with her the second time - still not reaching my feet and just leaning back, but stuck it out. I'm so glad it's hot yoga and everyone is sweating their @$$es off in there, because aside from the sniffling no one would probably know that I kinda started crying.

I was. I didn't want to, but I couldn't stop. I was thinking about the dark and the light thing. Here's the passage our teacher shared, which is not my words, but from The Book of Awakening (Nepo):

"Just how do we deal with agitations of the dark? How do we make our way through the tangle of being confused or sad or blocked in understanding a way to tomorrow? it seems natural enough to treat our problems like an overgrown path and go hacking our way through, doing small violence to ourselves. Yet this insight from an ancient Chinese text implies something harder and simler. It implies that agitation itself is dark, that only when we can keep our hands off will there be room for light.

How many times have I examined and reexamined the words of another in my mind, growing dark vines by going over and over what was said: What could it mean? What could all that wasn't said mean? What must I now do in response or in no-response? The thought-weeds grow, blocking the light.

I had to laugh when I think of how many hours I have spent in my life weaving story lines that never came true until, like weeds, they covered my heart. It was as if the light, in infinite patience, won't force itself into our hearts. No, it seems to wait and wait for us to open, content to fill whatever small space we can clear in ourselves.

It seems that agitations of the dark always cover over. For myself, I worked for years covering over more lesions of esteem with agitations of accomplishment, till my heart was covered over with a thicket of achievements. only when I put the achievements aside did the light begin to move. Only then did a Universal warmth reach my sore center. Only when I let the dark energies rest did I begin to heal."

So there I was, crying in yoga class. I was just thinking about how  my thoughts are still pretty frequently going back to my ex and thinking about him, wondering what he's doing or if he's thinking of me. I mean, I'm definitely getting better, but these thoughts still continue to put this darkness in me. I had never thought of it like this until yesterday, and I think that was where the tears were coming from.

So I guess this is the thing - you can't really move on from things until you've learned the lessons. As I look back on my old relationships that didn't work, I can see if I had gone through this journey that I am on now, the recovery may have happened a little quicker. It's been four months, and although I was sad yesterday, I feel way better today. I'd say that's progress : )

Is there anything in your life that is bothering you? Maybe try camel pose and see what surfaces...

Happy Labor Day,

Apparently, I'm living on an alternate planet....

I found this girl's blog: Baggage Reclaim. She started writing in like 2004 and was single then, but it's now 9 years later and so she's married with 2 kids.

Anyways, I was reading old posts about the "No Contact" rule that I've imposed on my ex. While I have been pretty good with it (read: there's a few slip-ups) I've been definitely doing this:

"Many women cut contact physically, as in they don’t see or speak with their ex, but they stay mentally connected by moving into obsessing about him. This is effectively like conducting your relationship in spirit on an alternative planet."


I had to laugh when I read that part about conducting your relationship on an alternate planet. Not just a little lol, but a serious laughing my @$$ off. Especially when I skyped with my friend and read it to her. We were both cracking up, me, tears of laughter streaming down my face. I'm so doing that. Like, I'm in my own little world, totally obsessing about him and what he may or may not be doing - if he will call me, and when that will happen. Plus 100 other things that I'm reliving from when we were together. No bueno.

Have you done the same thing with any of your exes?

Fast forward: Tonight I was at the Sox game with friends, having a great time. Drinking, of course, and so I was feeling like it would be okay to call him and go stop by. One super-smart friend asked, "Well, are you okay to see him superficially with no emotions attached?" Ummm....have you met me? Yeah, can't exactly do that.

So then we got to talking about an app you can download for you phone that lets you block outgoing calls for 24 hours. I'm not sure what it's called, and after further research online (for 2 minutes) I found a thread that included this:

Willpower, huh? Well, since we broke up about three months ago, I've slipped maybe three times. I'm happy to report that I did not tonight. So, I'm going to bed at home with a clean conscience and hoping to go forward with this thing we call will power.

Some people need it for sugar or carbs. Apparently I need it for the No Contact rule. Perhaps living by the following would be better for me:

But then I might need to work on the willpower for a food issue.

I can't win.....

Goodnight friends.

It's just....a little crush

So I thought I was just watching Dexter because it was basically all I had left of my old relationship, but I think I actually have a crush on him. I'm not sure why. He's a serial killer. But look how hot he is in the opening credits:

Even though I watch all of the shows from Showtime On Demand, I always stop forwarding at this part of the credits, just to see his face. Soooo hot.

In case I haven't seen you to tell you, (for those I have seen, sorry about this obsession - I know you've heard about it over, and Over, and OVER again) the premise of the show is that Dexter has this need to kill. Things happened to him in his childhood which caused this, and so he deals with his urges by "cleaning up Miami" and killing killers. Only people who fit his "code." (way to go nuts with the quotes, Michelle....)

Lucky for him, he works for Miami Metro Police in blood spatter, so he has access to all kinds of information. He can run DNA and find out where people live and look at their rap sheets.

So then, once he has proof that they have killed, he kills them.

adorbs!

I've watched all the shows to date (not a huge fan of this 8th season - it's so sad with Deb being so messed up!) but I just go back and keep watching over again.

One of the many hilarious moments of Dexter:

And the best thing: I've got another friend addicted, too. I sent Katie season one and she's hooked. She forwarded it on to my sister, so I'm sure she's going to like it as well. So far those discs have been to Phoenix and Charlotte....anyone else want to see? I think they should travel all over this country! Plus, then I'd have more people to discuss it with, ad nauseam...

So until I find Mr. Right, I have Dexter Morgan. Seems fair : )

So hot!

And one more thing: Is this for real? So funny....

Who else out there loves Dex as much as I do? I've seriously thought about naming my kid that if I ever had a boy. Would it be bad to name your baby after a serial killer? I wouldn't have to tell him, would I? Seriously. Obsessed.

and that is all.

Proud of you, sister!

I love being an aunt....I mean, I wish my nieces lived closer, but either way, it's a nice job to have. Especially when your sister is such a good mom.

My sister doesn't mess around. The kids are good kids because she tells them what's up. She's consistent and sticks to her guns (and is usually pretty funny, too!)

Caitlyn: Can I have a snack?
Stacey: No.
Caitlyn: But I'm hungry. Please let me eat!
Stacey: You just ate an hour ago.
Caitlyn: Comeon, mom, puhlleeease!
Stacey: Yogurt or an apple.
Caitlyn: No, pretzels.
Stacey: You heard the choices. Go pick one, or skip it, but get outta my hair!

The end.

Another thing I love about my sister is that she always calls me for advice. No, I don't have my own kids, but I do teach them all day and she understands that another perspective is best for her girls. I feel super important that she calls me. And, I guess it's good practice for me in case I ever get to have a kid one day.

She also knows that those kids are like sponges - they will pick up all your good habits, but also your bad ones. She was telling me last night about how she was being really hard on herself (Stacey) about her body image, and then next thing you know, Caitlyn picked up on it. When you're a mom, especially around girls, I'm guessing, you have to be so careful about things like this. Now, it's all about being healthy. We eat right to be healthy. We exercise and play sports to be healthy. It's conversations about why endless snacking and eating foods that are high in sugar are bad for our bodies. It's about taking care of ourselves.

And one of the best things about Stacey is that she knows that balance is so important. She's the first to tell you that the girls are driving her crazy and that she needs a vacation. Bedtime schedule is solid for reasons like this....which she just posted today: 

Stacey gets it. She understands that for her to be her best self for Caitlyn and Maddie, she needs time to herself to unwind and have space. Space is good in all relationships - it rejuvenates you and gives you what you need so you can have a good focus when you come back. (Like summer vacation for teachers.) She knows that she can't do everything for everyone all the time, and takes the little moments that she can find to give back to herself.

So, thanks, sister....for trusting my advice. For calling when you need to. For coming to visit next week! For being a good mom. I think we need to do better with skype so I can see those girls (and you!) more, but just know that you're doing an awesome job at the hardest job in the world! Hopefully one day, I'll follow in your footsteps.

Some relationship tips my therapist would want you to know ; )

So there I was reading facebook and in addition to all the friends that I follow, I also follow different organizations and companies. I came across this article about the 40 best relationship tips ever, and some of them are great. It got me thinking about my last relationship and hopes for the future. Here are some things I've learned and will keep in mind going forward....

First - Don't dismiss to quickly.
I think I really learned about this in my last relationship. You know, when we first went out, I was really unsure about my ex. But I thought I would just give it another chance just to see. I didn't want to give up too quickly....you know? And then he did something really cute and so I give it another date. And then before you knew it, that was that. So, going forward, I need to remember this.

Second - Mature Love
When you're young, love and dating is so new. You are infatuated  with each other. You look back to those first relationships and think that all of your relationships should be like that. But then you're older and in a real relationship. This particluar blog I read said, "Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says: 'I need you because I love you.'" You know, you can't just throw something away because the intensity has fizzled a little bit. That's bound to happen with work and bills and friends and family and a million other things that consume our day to day lives. You stay together because you love each other. And then you work on your relationship every day because that's so.

Third - Keep the conversation going
I first learned about this from one of my best friends. You know, get in a fight about something, and then I'd get all upset and run out of the room (or apartment) crying and need some time to collect my thoughts. She would want to have a knock-down, drag-out fight right there. Anyways, there is conflict in all relationships. With your siblings, parents, friends, and whomever you end up with. You can't just not talk about stuff. You can't just brush it under the rug. Just because two people disagree doesn't mean that your relationship is doomed. How can you expect two people, with two different sets of expectations, who want some different things to agree on everything? That would probably be pretty boring. So, when conflict arises, always better to talk it out and then forget about it! (And that is what I loved best about the friend mentioned above. She never brought out a 7 year grudge list on me!)

Anyways, I guess that is all for now. Tomorrow's the day of the first date post-breakup. Perhaps tomorrow's blog will report on how it goes!

btw - the article came from The Gottman Institute on facebook. You should check them out! Lots of great tips for relationships there!