What are you waiting for?

I've been wanting to write this blog for over a week, but haven't had the time. Last week in yoga, they read the following passage, which got me thinking. The following is from The Book of Awakening (Nepo, 2011), on the October 7th entry:

Until We Live It

We come with all these parts

and no instructions on how they go together.

It is so tempting to want the answers before we begin the journey. We like to know our way. We like to have maps. We like to have guides. But we are more like a breathing puzzle, a living bag of pieces, and each day shows us what a piece or two is for, where it might go, how it might fit. Over time, a picture starts to emerge by which we begin to understand our place in the world.

Unfortunately, we waste a lot of time seeking someone to tell us what life will be like once we live it. We drain ourselves of vital inner fortitude by asking others to map our way. At the end of all this stalling, though, we each have to venture out and simply see what happens.

The instructions are in the living, and I confess that of all the times I thought I liked this or didn't care for that, not one was my choosing or yours. For as the Earth was begun like a dish breaking, eternity is that scene slowly reversing, and you and I and the things we're drawn to are merely the pieces of God unbreaking back together.

For a real long time, before I dated my ex, I was always waiting and waiting for it to happen to me - for me to meet someone so I, as I thought, could get on with my life. I want a great marriage, and a house with my best friend, and maybe a kid one day. I want a  backyard and a puppy. I want to have two incomes supporting us so we can travel and have our kids experience all the amazing things in like that we enjoyed as kids. Up until after my breakup, I was always living in the future....waiting on the thing to happen that would change everything.

And then I met my ex and things were great - as far as everyone knew. I let a lot of things go that I shouldn't have, until I just couldn't anymore. We broke up and even though we only half way wanted to, we knew it was for the best.

But then a crazy thing happened. I found myself. I mean, I knew myself prior, but it's different now. I found yoga and my blogs. I began to have interests all my own, and find new friends who call me to do things all the time. I have great friends at work who I seriously love. And a job that I love every day. Seriously, I love my job every day. (Maybe not every moment of every day, but yeah....mostly all day.) I went back to school, and even though I hate doing the homework, I love collaborating with a new group of professors and teachers from all around the city.

I started planning lots of things - going to see the fall in the Northwoods with my family and a new Halloween costume with my cousin. I finally said yes to Europe with Heather, and even though it's bleeding me dry, I'm really going!!

Most importantly, I learned where my boundaries with others fall. Now I know exactly what is okay - those things I can let slide - and what's absolutely not okay. Obviously my next relationship will be totally different because it will be someone new, but it will also be different because it won't be one person having the final say most of the time. I definitely have more opinions about what will (and will not) be okay.

I guess I had to have this break up to learn this lesson. You can't wait for the other shoe to drop for things to start. You have to embrace where you are each day. Today I'm thankful for a breakfast with two great friends whom I miss tons, yoga at 1:30, and Breaking Bad. Kristi called and I'm going to watch the ASU game with her tonight. I'll get to the homework tomorrow.

So I ask: What are you waiting for to happen so something can begin? Are you waiting for your next great love? A proposal? A new house? A baby? Are you waiting for enough money to plan a trip or some other big event? Are you putting off what's great about today because you need to first experience something in the future?

Find a way to enjoy all the blessings that are in the present moment. Now that I've began looking at things this way, my outlook is so much different. I feel so much more content with all the great things I do have. I think you will, too.

The craziest thing about all of this: The more I think in this way, the more amazing things happen to me. Perhaps I should buy a lottery ticket!

Now, let's hope the Sun Devils don't screw up another game....I'm hoping us ASU fans will be blessed again tonight and for the rest of the season! 

Happy Saturday!