Winter break for DAZE

I am really loving Christmas break this year. We worked up until the 22nd of December, and while that was hard to be so busy preparing for Christmas without having many days off, I made it work. Fast forward traveling, seeing family, celebrating Christmas, eating a lot of food, New Years, and then a flight back to Chicago, you know, feeling that holiday hustle and DAZE, but now... thankful for the seemingly unending DAYS of Christmas break, because I'm out till the 8th!

It's been so nice, too, to slow down. Take today: slept until 7:30. Stayed in bed until 8:30. Got up, did a few chores around the house, ran by school (don't judge me, but the main reason I went was to take the Christmas decorations down and put up the Valentine's Day ones! hahah), then visited a friend, and now I'm chillin' at Starbucks with a tea and writing.

And it's pretty neat.

I still have a few more days off and I'll be able to spend time with my coteacher tomorrow going to yoga, do a little bit of work with my side hustle (Arbonne), work out at home a bit, prepare for a healthy living challenge, and not have to wake up to an alarm.

These breaks certainly make a difference for creating balance in teacher's lives.

I've also realized how important it is to have some plans on the calendar. I've got two trips in a few months: Vegas in April and Denver in May. Having plans to look forward to make such a difference, especially in Chicago when it's a tundra and below zero with the windchill.

Wishing you peaceful vibes on break or school days that are blissful with your kiddos!

Cheers to 2018!

See the Light

It's winter in Chicago, which means the sun doesn't show itself much these days. Yesterday it rained, all day. Seriously, from dawn till dusk. Throughout the day I found myself stopping to listen. "Yep, still raining," I thought, wishing the sun would pop out, dry everything out, and spread some happiness.

I was trying to write yesterday, but more gloom. Nothing was coming to me. But then this morning just before my 4:45 alarm, I realized that the sun has been shining, I just needed to change my perspective.

You get on Voxer for the first time and the first message back is, "So glad to see you here, Michelle."
Sunshine.

Your friend takes you to yoga on her buddy pass.
Heat.
(Like, literally.)

The guy your best friend is dating finally calls her to schedule another date after what seems like forever. (More like 36 hours.) :-)
Warmth.

You wake up to an idea for a blog post and strike while the iron is hot.
Incandescence.

You see some work one of your students is doing, that is extra beyond her classes, and it's really good.
Radiance.

You sleep in for three days in a row.
Brilliance.

A friend who you haven't seen in ages texts and wants to meet up after school to catch up. So you set the date for Wednesday.
Illuminating.

I can't hear much in the way of rain anymore, but it's still winter and I doubt the sun will come out again anytime soon. But, with a little change in perspective (and a trip to the tanning salon), I bet we can all see some light in the coming days.

Where are you finding sunshine on these gloomy days?

Big Magic

It's 4:52 and I sit here, writing.

Over break, I read most of a book by Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear. It's about creativity. It's about having a vocation towards your craft, and getting yourself to do it alongside your day job - like actually sit down and do the work.

Waking up at 4:45. Staying up until 11:35. Fitting it into 20 minutes over your lunch break each day. Consistency.

Which got me to wondering if I could wake myself up a little bit earlier every day and commit to writing, even if just for a week. After all, I did set a goal of writing 100 blog posts in 2017, so may as well get to that sooner rather than later. And, no better way to up my accountability than to share it with all of you here to keep me to it.

For a good part of the school year I haven't been sitting down to write, like at all this year. I think about writing all the time, but just don't do it. This year has me stressing myself out, and so I don't write, but the ironic thing is that I *always feel better after writing. It's like sitting down to do the work actually helps me understand things better and gives me a sense of peace. So why don't I just get to it? Maybe in the evenings I'm too distracted. But at 5:08 in the morning, none of my friends are calling or texting, The Bachelor isn't on, and I'm not hungry just yet, so not thinking about food even. Now that I'm in the chair and doing this, I can see that I'm way more focused.

So here I sit, listening
to the wind chime in my neighbors yard
to the light traffic flowing on the highway a block away
to the keys clacking as I put thought to paper.

And I wonder if I can create any kind of big magic here, before work each day.

Rat Race

My alarm went off at 5:20 this morning but I was already awake. Because I went to sleep at like 8:45 last night. Because I was so tired and I still hadn't prepped five chicken salads for the week so I could have healthy lunches.

I got out of bed, showered, fired up the little grill on the stove, started cooking chicken and chopping lettuce, bell peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers and green onions. I got everything divvied up and I got my hair done, makeup on, made a protien shake and was out the door at 6:50, with a coffee in my hand (and the trash I had to take out.)

Drive to work. Get to work. Finish up a book list inventory, deliver books and inventories, remember I have to get some kind of presentation ready for tomorrow, realize I didn't make those AIMS Web copies, finished the slides for my 9:00 writing lesson, made some other copies for kinder teachers and ran them over, got the chart paper, my lesson plans, and laptop and hustled to fifth grade.

Nine am writing class and they were loud. I mean, not crazy loud, but too loud for a stressful Monday morning, and this is how I felt:

I have been teaching long enough to know I could bring the kids down from the noise, so we did some deep breathing while I tried to reconnect the wifi (as if my Monday wasn't annoying enough.)

We went on to have a good lesson, but all day I've just been thinking: Is this it? Is this life? Please don't misunderstand, I love teaching. Being with those writers today, and talking one off the whiny ledge, "I'm just nooooooooot goooooooood at writing memoirs." It's totally rewarding.

But you know what else it is? A mental and emotional beat down. Today at lunch in the lounge, everyone said how tired they were. And then went on to say they went to bed so early...myself included. It's Monday. MONDAY!

I know what you're going to say. "Oh, you teachers complaining all the time. Did you forget you're off all summer?" Well, no, we didn't. And that's part of our current problem... May is stressful and busy as hell wrapping everything up. Yes, I'm off all summer *and I should have the funds to get myself to a beach every year. And this year I can't because of the new car (I'm thankful) but I should get both. Because I work my ass off and I deserve it.

There's got to be a better way. Something else.

And there is. Plans are in the works. Stay tuned.

Friday 6pm and Pajamas

Well, you can't be here without noticing the new design...what do you think? Do you love it as much as I do? I've been wanting to write more here on GGL but I didn't love how it looked, so I had Kassie, who did my literacy blog, give it a makeover! It's very pink and glitterly - both of which I love! What do you think?

The rest here is going to be a lot of randomness...

Friday & Pajamas
I've been having some crazy busy weeks. So much so, that I'm ecstatic to be on my couch in my pajamas well before 10pm. The boyfriend is out with his friends, and I'm home with mine - the blog, a book or two, and maybe a movie. I would say I'm more introverted than an extrovert, so having time to myself gets me geared up for another week. Who's with me?!

Sorry Rahm
Did you hear? I'm so happy that Rahm didn't win the mayoral election in Chicago last Tuesday! He's not good for education.... he doesn't have (or support) a democratically elected school board, he supports the creation of more charter schools, and he can't work collaboratively with the teacher's union. I just think it's so amazing that he spent $14 million on a campaign and even had Obama here last week endorsing him - and he still didn't pull it off. It gives me hope that we really are still living in a Democracy...the voice of the people has been heard!

And now, on to April and a new mayor! Here's a little video so you can get to know Rahm's competition, and check out his education platform here!

No fb for Lent
You probably didn't read my last post - because I couldn't post it on facebook, because I gave up fb for lent. Yeah, it's been a week and a half and I'm constantly getting emails saying how much I'm missing out. But I'm going to stay strong! So, if you're going to say something about my blog, leave me a comment here, or I won't get it until April! (I have since figured out how to have Blog'Lovin post on fb for me!)

One Wish
I wish I was in AZ this weekend - hanging out with Katie, sunbathing in the....shit, what's it called? When you sit on the grass at spring training games? I've clearly been gone for too long! Anyways, I wish I was going to AZ sometime soon - I miss my friends, some former students, and the beautiful weather!

I will be writing every day in March for the Slice of Life writing challenge with Two Writing Teachers! Those posts will be over on BigTime Literacy - make sure to follow if you're not!

What are you doing this weekend? Hope it's great!

grrrr Lent

I'm not even technically Catholic. I mean, I'm not Catholic at all - My dad is, mom is Methodist, I'm baptized Methodist, Hektor is Catholic. Hektor usually gives up something for Lent so, I decided this year, I would, too. Give up facebook, I thought. That would be a good idea, I thought. So I did and I haven't checked it since Tuesday night. (Also: Hektor is giving up telling me what is happening on facebook.) Real mature.

It was a good thing to give up. I burn so much time on there reading pointless boring stories (Just said that as a shout-out to Rob!) hahhahaaa. But really, if you're anything like me, you waste a lot of time on there. I haven't seen what anyone is doing since Tuesday night.

This morning temptation began rolling in. I got a very pressing email from facebook - YOU HAVE 22 NOTIFICATIONS!!! You're missing out on what Kristy is doing and also four more people replied to so-and-so's thread. Please come back!

But, I didn't.

Then Hektor comes in the room and asks me if I got invited to someone's party. I said, "Well, I don't know because I haven't been on facebook." He laughs and tells me I'm really missing out.

I know in the grand scheme of things with the Lent story and all this is crazy to say, but it's going to be a long 40 days. I'm only 3 1/2 in and it's already hard. I think facebook is the Social Media equivalent to wine, which I decided would be too hard to give up. Perhaps I should have switched.

If you happen to read this, please share it for me - since I can't go on facebook to do so. Follow me on Blog'Lovin to get my updates!

I'm planning to write on this blog more because I'm having it designed up pretty like BigTime Literacy! Just started talking to Kassie about what we're going to do - it's going to look ah-maze-balls!

What are you giving up for Lent?

xo, Michelle

Retail Therapy

Today I had to stop at Target on the way home to get some stuff for dinner. And I needed a binder and page protectors for this new intervention I'm doing with a kiddo.

When I checked out, I had spent $97. Please tell me that happens to you, too?

Here's what I bought...

New winter hat (It's pink! With a pom-pom on top!)
2 packs of pencils
2 packs of eraser toppers
Pack of my fave pens
Electric pencil sharpener
New shirt
Food I needed (ground beef, corn tortillas, red enchilada sauce, cheese, onion, salsa)
Bag of Cuties

By the time I got to clothes, I was thinking..."Well, I can skip candy and carbs, because buying all this stuff is actually making me feel better!"

And so I used my Target card and saved $5, because, you know, that makes a dent.

Now...if only I can round up $100 a day for the month of January, and I'll be set!

In other news, I lost my car key (I think outside) on the coldest day of the year. Good news is I have all of tomorrow to look for it. (School was cancelled.) Hopefully someone else hasn't found it and ran off with my coche! Losing your keys is the most annoying waste of time I can think of.

Perhaps this happened to get my mind off of junk food!

That is all. Enjoy the snow day friends!

Reactions to VMA performers in 6 words or less

Well I was watching the VMAs and had to comment on how ridiculous Miley was, and then I wanted to put in my 2 cents about all of the performers, so here you go!

gaga - bowling ball confusion but applause!

miley - your sexy does not equal mine.

robyn thicke - why'd you wear that umpire suit?

kanye - Ummm....fast forward.

JT - Now or then, I'm in love!

*nsync - Can't stop smiling. Takes me back!

macklemore - simple. classy. keep spreadin' the word.

jennifer hudson - you're beautiful: inside, outside, and voice.

drake: love (mostly) appropriate rap for TV.

bruno mars - confused....gorillas / love? must study lyrics.

katy perry - rebirth: no cotton candy hair! LOVE!

What did you think about the VMAs? Waaay better to DVR them than to watch all of that 2:30 minute show!

Happy Monday!

Randomness

1. Got into my car this morning and noticed that the rose corsage (momento of 8th grade graduation) that usually is in the ash tray was on the floor. Then glanced all the stuff from the center console was on the passenger's seat. The CD that was in the front middle section was on the floor. But, my yoga mat was still in there. And the Lucy Caulkins books for writing workshop were still in the back, and my trunk wasn't shuffled through. The only thing that was stolen was the GPS. I must not have locked the doors - no windows were broken and there was no other damage. Well, the joke is on the thief - that GPS is four years old and doesn't even charge anymore. So, I say that even though I was a little shaken up this morning, it's a win for me. Oh - and he didn't take the change or the Dunkin giftcard! Definitely winning!

This is for you, Dream Team : )

2. So at the elementary school I have to do recess duty and we finally got the schedule so I'm out with the 2nd - 3rd graders every day. Ummm...before I get to the story - recess duty is all year - and you always go out in all seasons, unless the windchill is like 10 degrees or 10 below, I can't remember. Hi...10 degrees? Boots and coats and scarves and gloves on a bunch of little kids? and then have to take all that stuff to lunch with them. Hot mess.

anyways - so there was this group of maybe 20 girls doing some cheerleading so I went up to them and asked them all peppy, "omg. Are you doing cheerleading?" They all shouted back yes, so I taught them a chant and then today they asked me to show them again. Good stuff, but that's not the what was my first glimpse of seeing I just might like little kids....

Fast forward an hour after recess and I was walking to the office and one little girl walking by and chirps, "Hey, Coach!" Heart melting.

3. Did you hear that *Nsync (That's how their name was spelled and with a star in the front of it, right?) will reunite on the VMAs this weekend? Ohhhh yes, and I will be recording that! Brings me back to that day I was wailing Bye Bye Bye at the top of my lungs on the freeway in Phoenix with the windows down and the dudes in the truck next to me were looking at me with that "Really?" expression. Still not embarrassed. Okay, maybe a little.

wtf is up with JT's hair?!

That's all I've got for today. Hope you had a great Hump Day!

I got my flippie-floppies!

I've been away with one of my bffs for the past two days - so fun to see her and she let me tag along to her family's places in St. Joe, Michigan and then Plymouth, Indiana for another party. We rarely take pictures anymore, so I was happy to snap a few!

In St. Joe:

Perfect beach day!

Love you bff!

Goddaughter Brooklyn

Aubrey

And then we were on to Lake Latonka in Plymouth...

Straight floatin on a boat in the deep blue sea lake...

Going 35 feels like 80!

Fishin' for the perfect catch!

So super fun time, good to catch up, and see both of my nieces. Kinda feeling like I wish I lived closer so they were around me more and they knew me better, but I think we will definitely try to do more facetime until I can see them more often!

And a side note...being on that boat reminded me of this song. Not exactly appropriate background music for two cute little kiddos, but it's so hilar, I had to post.

That's all for today - hope you're all having a great weekend!

xo,

It's just....a little crush

So I thought I was just watching Dexter because it was basically all I had left of my old relationship, but I think I actually have a crush on him. I'm not sure why. He's a serial killer. But look how hot he is in the opening credits:

Even though I watch all of the shows from Showtime On Demand, I always stop forwarding at this part of the credits, just to see his face. Soooo hot.

In case I haven't seen you to tell you, (for those I have seen, sorry about this obsession - I know you've heard about it over, and Over, and OVER again) the premise of the show is that Dexter has this need to kill. Things happened to him in his childhood which caused this, and so he deals with his urges by "cleaning up Miami" and killing killers. Only people who fit his "code." (way to go nuts with the quotes, Michelle....)

Lucky for him, he works for Miami Metro Police in blood spatter, so he has access to all kinds of information. He can run DNA and find out where people live and look at their rap sheets.

So then, once he has proof that they have killed, he kills them.

adorbs!

I've watched all the shows to date (not a huge fan of this 8th season - it's so sad with Deb being so messed up!) but I just go back and keep watching over again.

One of the many hilarious moments of Dexter:

And the best thing: I've got another friend addicted, too. I sent Katie season one and she's hooked. She forwarded it on to my sister, so I'm sure she's going to like it as well. So far those discs have been to Phoenix and Charlotte....anyone else want to see? I think they should travel all over this country! Plus, then I'd have more people to discuss it with, ad nauseam...

So until I find Mr. Right, I have Dexter Morgan. Seems fair : )

So hot!

And one more thing: Is this for real? So funny....

Who else out there loves Dex as much as I do? I've seriously thought about naming my kid that if I ever had a boy. Would it be bad to name your baby after a serial killer? I wouldn't have to tell him, would I? Seriously. Obsessed.

and that is all.

Sushi Conversion

I'm not going to lie. Don't get mad if this is you: I always thought all of those people who were like, "Oh, let's go get sushi tonight!" thought they were so....what's the word? Like chic or something. Like they're going to have sushi because it's trendy and everyone is going out for sushi. I  never would suggest that to anyone I went to dinner with, because I didn't really ever eat it.

I mean, I have a few times. Mostly at our end-of-the-year parties with our old principal. Or if I happened to be at Whole Foods, I would pick some up. But, I never would suggest it if I was going out to dinner with friends.

Then I went to Cafe Sushi last night. It was Courtney's birthday (Happy Birthday, girl!) and as she was telling me last night how she loves it. It's a BYOB, and Jon brought a bunch of wine. There were 8 of us and we all picked something different and shared.

It was soooo good. Like, really good. I get it now. I was totally wrong to judge all the sushi-loving people prematurely! I'm so sorry!  : )

I asked what I should order since I am a newbie - they said spicy tuna, so I did. It was alright. Not my favorite though.

Some others I had:

Caterpillar
unagi, crab, avocado, cucumber, tempura crunch and avocado outside

I think unagi is eel? Well, I didn't really know what I was eating until I already tried it. I probably wouldn't have had I known, so if you're thinking about trying sushi for the first time, just try some and don't think about it! This one was pretty good. I love avocado!

Rock and Roll
spinach, cream cheese, unagi, salmon skin, masago with unagi sauce
This one, not for me. I don't like cream cheese, but I tried it anyways. Turns out I still don't like cream cheese - not on a bagel, not in sushi.

Sweet Potato Tempura Maki
Sweet potato tempura with avocado and cucumber
This one was my favorite of all of them. Perhaps because there was no fish, but I don't care. It was super good.

It was a definite learning experience. Of course I didn't really know how to go about things...I rarely use chopsticks, but I did that almost perfectly. Didn't know what the green and salmon colored stuff was with the rolls, so Jon and Justin had a little fun...

I was kind of asking about it, and Jon said, "Go ahead....try that avocado there. Take a big bite!" Then he looked over to Justin and they smiled....

I knew that wasn't the case, and then they told me that it was wasabi. I guess it's spicy - you can use it to add some heat to your sushi if you want to. Glad I had at least a little bit of an idea about it....

So, all in all, excellent night. Trying new things is good for you. I highly recommend it. Perhaps my horoscope yesterday led me to it: 

You are learning to like something you didn't like before. New revelations are a daily surprise for you lately, Scorpio. That's a very good thing. Revel in your newfound perspective. Immerse yourself in it. Experience it fully. You are going through a very important period of growth right now. Anything is possible if you learn your lessons well, and you are open to all of the possibilities, even if they are very different from what was meaningful to you in the past.

Is it silly that I read my horoscope? Perhaps that is a blog for another day....

Happy Friday everyone!

Couldn't publish this blog without this..... : )

Anyone want to go have some sushi with me? Stacey...it's calling your name! Comeon, try something new!!

Proud of you, sister!

I love being an aunt....I mean, I wish my nieces lived closer, but either way, it's a nice job to have. Especially when your sister is such a good mom.

My sister doesn't mess around. The kids are good kids because she tells them what's up. She's consistent and sticks to her guns (and is usually pretty funny, too!)

Caitlyn: Can I have a snack?
Stacey: No.
Caitlyn: But I'm hungry. Please let me eat!
Stacey: You just ate an hour ago.
Caitlyn: Comeon, mom, puhlleeease!
Stacey: Yogurt or an apple.
Caitlyn: No, pretzels.
Stacey: You heard the choices. Go pick one, or skip it, but get outta my hair!

The end.

Another thing I love about my sister is that she always calls me for advice. No, I don't have my own kids, but I do teach them all day and she understands that another perspective is best for her girls. I feel super important that she calls me. And, I guess it's good practice for me in case I ever get to have a kid one day.

She also knows that those kids are like sponges - they will pick up all your good habits, but also your bad ones. She was telling me last night about how she was being really hard on herself (Stacey) about her body image, and then next thing you know, Caitlyn picked up on it. When you're a mom, especially around girls, I'm guessing, you have to be so careful about things like this. Now, it's all about being healthy. We eat right to be healthy. We exercise and play sports to be healthy. It's conversations about why endless snacking and eating foods that are high in sugar are bad for our bodies. It's about taking care of ourselves.

And one of the best things about Stacey is that she knows that balance is so important. She's the first to tell you that the girls are driving her crazy and that she needs a vacation. Bedtime schedule is solid for reasons like this....which she just posted today: 

Stacey gets it. She understands that for her to be her best self for Caitlyn and Maddie, she needs time to herself to unwind and have space. Space is good in all relationships - it rejuvenates you and gives you what you need so you can have a good focus when you come back. (Like summer vacation for teachers.) She knows that she can't do everything for everyone all the time, and takes the little moments that she can find to give back to herself.

So, thanks, sister....for trusting my advice. For calling when you need to. For coming to visit next week! For being a good mom. I think we need to do better with skype so I can see those girls (and you!) more, but just know that you're doing an awesome job at the hardest job in the world! Hopefully one day, I'll follow in your footsteps.

Just wait on your burger....

So one of my former students is smart beyond her years. She will be a Junior next year - she was in my class during the 2009-2011 school years.  She has since moved to Georgia, but that doesn't stop her from checking in on me and also offering, mostly unsolicited, advice. Here's one of our last exchange of texts....

Her: Are you back in the dating world yet? Is that what you youngins call it these days?
Me: Hahhahaaa....kinda. I got on match, so maybe a date soon? idk.
Her: Lol, online dating? I think that's such an oxymoron.
Me: How else am I going to meet men? The bars are overrated.
Her: Whatever happened to meeting that guy in the meat department or at the laundromat?  Call me old-school, but having computers find your lover (ha!) is a little unorthodox.
Me: Lol. I don't spend much time in the meat department.....
Her: It is the 21st century though....
Me: Seriously lol-ing right now.
Her: How did you meet your ex?
Me: The bar. Look how that turned out.
Her: Here's what I think: I think you should just wait for that one guy to come along and sweep you right on to your hiney and that's that. People say it'll never come but how many of those people actually waited? Marriage is a hard thing and I think that filling out a survey isn't really all that realistic. Just wait, he'll come. My granny says that he'll come with hell or he'll come when you're ready. But he'll get there. It's like ordering a burger at McDonald's. You go order your burger and that one isn't really exactly what you wanted, so you go to another McDonald's and order another burger and then you figure out you don't want a  Mickey D's burger. You get one specially crafter for you at Burger Boss (Last time she was in town, we met here to catch up....) and you're satisfied. You went through hell to get that burger but you got it. Just wait on your burger. 

Ohhhh what would I do without my old students to tell me what's up? This is one of the reasons I love teaching. In the course of one or two years, you really get to know your kids and, if you're lucky, some of them stay close. There are just a few who regularly keep in touch now, but that's just enough to remind me of how lucky I am for their presence. And this is what I get paid to do!

And maybe she's right. This is kind of the reason for all the goals I set for myself this summer - the running, and writing, and meditating. Just doing things for myself that keep me focused on all the blessings I do have in my life. And yes, I did make a match profile, but honestly, it's so much work that I'm just kinda letting it sit there and what will be will be. I am thinking now that a better idea is to just wait on my burger : ) It is less work, after all...

Can't. Stop. Thinking.....

Does your mind run a mile a minute like mine does? The worst is when there's a disagreement, a break up, a death in the family, a new job, or any other major life event. Luckily for me, I'm getting more and more used to my new position at the elementary school and getting more and more over the break up, but I still find myself having thoughts that I don't want to have.

I've talked with friends before about the power of our thoughts. LeeAnn - what was the name of the guy who writes about this? It makes sense - happy people are thinking positively. Unhappy people are not. All that being said, it's really hard to do.

I had been thinking that maybe meditation would be helpful, but wasn't really sure where to start. I knew that it would help me get in control of the things I would think throughout the day, but there's so much information out there about it that it was kind of overwhelming. The other day though, I had dinner with my old principal before I presented to her class of TFA teachers. At dinner, she told me about how she meditates and gave me a website to look into, so I did that yesterday.

This type meditation is called passage meditation. You basically choose a passage from any of the world's religions and then you meditate on that. There are many passages on the website, and one reason I really like them is because they come from all the world's religions. So in any of the passages when they say "God" it can be whatever God you believe in. Any higher power. Any way you find spirituality. Yesterday I chose this passage:

I chose this passage for a few reasons: One, it was short and I thought it would be easy to start with a short passage first. I also chose this passage because there's a line in there about how 'patience attains the goal.' That line really stuck with me and I liked it. It's hard to be patient waiting for something you really want. Hopefully by keeping this front and center in my thoughts, it will help me remember to be grateful for all that I do have...

Yesterday I practiced the passage enough to have it mostly memorized. I decided that when I woke up this morning I would do the meditation first. It says you're supposed to meditate for 30 minutes, but don't do more even if you're doing really well and want to.

Even in my groggy state, I woke up this morning all excited for my new routine. I grabbed a pillow from my couch and sat down on the living room floor. I crossed my legs and sat up straight. I had the passage in front of me in case I forgot it. I softly closed my eyes and began to recite the passage in my mind. The first few times, I had to keep opening up my eyes to look at the passage, but after that I got the hang of it.

Then the trouble happened: a firetruck went by. Itch on my arm. I could hear the fan buzzing in the background. I wondered if I should blog about this? I needed to crack my neck. So I opened my eyes and looked at the clock.

Five minutes had passed. Five minutes...for a first-timer, is that a long time? Five minutes of thirty? THIRTY? I didn't want to throw in the towel, so I decided to continue. Hey - I'm not good at it right now, but it's my first try. Five minutes trumps two, which trumps never starting, right?

I shut my eyes to try again. I went through the passage once or twice, slowly towards the end because I kept forgetting it. Whenever I slowed down, that's when my mind wandered. I thought about the dream I had this morning. Another itch. Scratched my head. Thought, "Wow, my nails are really long! I wish the girl who did my manicure would have trimmed them. They're already chipping. FOCUS MICHELLE! Think about the words of the passage. Concentrate on them. Keep going." So I did. I kept going. For sure, I got through the entire passage fluently once without forgetting it and only thinking about the words. Or, if my mind started to wander, I thought that I needed to pay better attention to the words. I did it once, but it was exhausting.

I opened my eyes. 11 minutes. I decided to be done for today.

Meditation isn't an easy thing to do. Training the mind to do what you want it to do is ridiculously hard, actually. But, tomorrow I will try again, and shoot for 12 minutes. And in the meantime, I will remember the passage and do my best to live in that way.

Do you meditate? Any suggestions?