Dear AC,
I've been holding you close in my prayers the past few weeks. Wearing the yellow ribbon as a visual reminder day-to-day. I didn't know Emily was your big sister, and I'm so glad I was able to send you a message on Facetime on Friday when Mrs. Hauer called. I feel a small amount of comfort knowing you are no longer in pain and are free to be a kid in a better place. I will keep praying for you, your family, and our community as a whole, and I'm here to listen to anyone who wants to tell me all the stories I didn't know about you. Thank you for inspiring us with your strength, smile, and bravery.
Love, Ms. Brezek
Dear Jay,
It's been about four months since I've heard the news and I still think of you often. Your sisters sent a thank you card for coming to your services and it was like a gentle hug via snail mail that I'm so thankful for. I wish I could have known them when we were dating. I sent back a card with some pictures I found of us, you smiling, the day we danced in my kitchen, and us at Six Flags with Caitlyn. And another, but it's slipping my mind now. I also found some missed voicemails that I didn't notice at the time in my mailbox, so idk. It's been a (strange?) comfort to still be able to hear your voice. I am consoled knowing that you are no longer in pain and I hope doing all the things that brought you joy. Know that you are loved and missed by so many, myself included.
Love, Michelle
Dear Rob,
It's a snowy day in Chicago, two days after a 60 degree Saturday and I'm sitting on the couch watching the snow fall, and thinking about all our times in the pool during Arizona summers (and falls and springs). You having a Miller Lite (had a few recently, refreshing!) and come chips and guac, the dogs swimming, waiting for Caitlyn to wake up from her nap and swim the day away with us.
It's been about seven months since we lost you and I just have so many emotions. Like, I don't know if they're okay to say, but they must be because how can something I'm feeling be wrong? I'm devastated that we lost you. I'm mad you didn't get a vaccine that could have likely saved your life. My heart breaks that mom is without you, after she poured all her love and energy into you since 1989. I'm comforted in all the memories I have but also feel the loss of all the things that were to come, that will now look different without you.
I watch for you in all the places I might find you: a cardinal in the trees, any references to Star Trek or that dancing movie you loved, a dude on a Honda motorcycle, airplanes, men with too much cologne (lol I haven't experienced yet, but your cologne habits make me laugh.) I hope you know how thankful I am to have had you in my life all these years, and I hope to make you proud as time goes on.
Hope you and your brother are staying out of trouble in heaven, but if you're finding it and happy, that's cool too. It makes me happy to know that you are there with him even though we are here without you.
I love you, Michelle
Oh, Michelle, this is so poignant and beautiful, just what I needed to find this morning. I love how these sweet love notes to loved ones who have died actually provide us a glimpse/insight to their lives. Just beautiful. This line is true for me in my grief, how I find peace - "I watch for you in all the places I might find you..." Thank you for this.
ReplyDeletegood writing hits you. hard. and sometimes softens your fall from the blow. this did that. wow. i especially connect to your sentiment about feelings always being ok if they're honest. i agree. thank you for sharing this. i know it helped me in ways i can't verbalize and that i didn't know i needed. i hope it helped you, too.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your grief. I appreciate your honesty and openess. I feel like the more we talk about grief and pain as a society, honor them as difficult parts of being human, that fewer people may feel alone in their grieving.
ReplyDeleteDeath is a part of life. Doesn't necessarily make it easier just bases it in fact. This must have been hard to write, but hopefully cathartic at the same time. Feel all the feels it is part of the process. I'm a good listener if you ever need it. God bless them all! My heart aches for Amedeo's family. No parent should bury their child.
ReplyDelete