obsessed

 My dog Sunny is obsessed with playing ball. I have one of those Chuck It thingies that I use to toss a ball, but we don't play all the time (like, all winter!) There's one park we go to lots and now are part of the Puppy Patrol text thread - probably like 6 or 8 dogs and their parents who coordinate playdates.

When we are being social, I don't get the ball out, because once that comes out, she will just obsess over it and ignore all the playtime she could have.

So when another dog is playing ball, it's especially problematic. If Sunny gets the other dogs' ball, I may as well just forget it. She loves the game of me chasing her all over (and never being able to catch her).

So as soon as another ball comes out, I have to catch her and put her on a 10 foot leash. She's pretty smart and she knows she has no choice but to listen when she's on lock down!

it was 2020

 Two years ago, this past Friday, the world shut down.

A few days ago, I was walking back to my office to pop on zoom to do some collaboration with the other middle school teachers thinking it was so convenient that we now use Zoom as just another tool, and then I wondered, "How did we teach for so long from home on Zoom? Like, howwww?"

I went home from school that weekend in 2020 with all my devices thinking we would be out for two weeks and then our spring break.

I remember hypothesizing with friends, "Well, we are gonna miss St. Paddy's day, but hopefully we'll still have Easter."

Then it was hoping for our end-of-year rituals with the eighth grade.

Then fourth of July.

Why did we think it would end so quickly?

This weekend, the one of 2022, I was at Chicago's South Side Irish Parade and sang Friends in Low Places at the top of my lungs in a bar. It was nice to do those things again. But I know this covid lull won't last forever. Just praying we never go back to the worst of times from 2020 or 2021.

on daylight savings time

 A six word memoir:

Waiting on longer days and sun.

friends like this

I have the kind of colleagues who...

Stop by my office to ask advice.

Pickup lunch from me this week and bring me lunch next.

Are as obsessed with reading, writing, and pacing guides as I am.

Text me over the weekend and then email me on Monday to check in.

Say, "Awh, I want to coteach with you, too!"

Make an effort to help me be a better version of myself, by talking to me when I mess up.

Write me thank you cards.

Apologize when they make a mistake, no matter how much time has passed.

Make Tik Toks with me on our personal plan periods.

Trust me with new ideas. And their secrets.

Rally with thoughtful gestures when life gets tough.

Write Slice of Life blogs with me for a whole month straight.

Show up at my door when they need to cry.

Let me vent when needed, and keep all my secrets.

Tell me no when they see reasons why something won't work.

Clap for me when I do something they appreciate.

Take my phone from my desk (when I'm in the bathroom) and take 8 selfies.

Could you at least do 9 next time to be symmetrical? :-)

I have the kind of colleagues who

are also called friends.

sweet spot

Sunny is my first small dog. Growing up, we always had labs and retrievers, which I love, but just me in a small apartment - that wouldn't work. Sunny is 15 pounds - she's not tiny, but she's no big dog by any means.

Sunny and I live alone so she pretty much gets everything she wants, including sleeping with me. She doesn't take up much space so it works for now. My favorite is falling asleep with her in the little spot she always goes to.

I'm typically laying on my left side, kinda fetal position but not quite, pillow under my head and one just in front of me. She'll come in and get right in the little nook, laying her head over my side body.

We don't stay like this all night but I usually fall asleep this way. When I wake up she's  elsewhere, but still close by.

Anyone else with small dogs? Same for you? Maybe I'm the weird one.

letters

 Dear AC,

I've been holding you close in my prayers the past few weeks. Wearing the yellow ribbon as a visual reminder day-to-day. I didn't know Emily was your big sister, and I'm so glad I was able to send you a message on Facetime on Friday when Mrs. Hauer called. I feel a small amount of comfort knowing you are no longer in pain and are free to be a kid in a better place. I will keep praying for you, your family, and our community as a whole, and I'm here to listen to anyone who wants to tell me all the stories I didn't know about you. Thank you for inspiring us with your strength, smile, and bravery.

Love, Ms. Brezek

Dear Jay,

It's been about four months since I've heard the news and I still think of you often. Your sisters sent a thank you card for coming to your services and it was like a gentle hug via snail mail that I'm so thankful for. I wish I could have known them when we were dating. I sent back a card with some pictures I found of us, you smiling, the day we danced in my kitchen, and us at Six Flags with Caitlyn. And another, but it's slipping my mind now. I also found some missed voicemails that I didn't notice at the time in my mailbox, so idk. It's been a (strange?) comfort to still be able to hear your voice. I am consoled knowing that you are no longer in pain and I hope doing all the things that brought you joy. Know that you are loved and missed by so many, myself included.

Love, Michelle

Dear Rob,

It's a snowy day in Chicago, two days after a 60 degree Saturday and I'm sitting on the couch watching the snow fall, and thinking about all our times in the pool during Arizona summers (and falls and springs). You having a Miller Lite (had a few recently, refreshing!) and come chips and guac, the dogs swimming, waiting for Caitlyn to wake up from her nap and swim the day away with us.

It's been about seven months since we lost you and I just have so many emotions. Like, I don't know if they're okay to say, but they must be because how can something I'm feeling be wrong? I'm devastated that we lost you. I'm mad you didn't get a vaccine that could have likely saved your life. My heart breaks that mom is without you, after she poured all her love and energy into you since 1989. I'm comforted in all the memories I have but also feel the loss of all the things that were to come, that will now look different without you.

I watch for you in all the places I might find you: a cardinal in the trees, any references to Star Trek or that dancing movie you loved, a dude on a Honda motorcycle, airplanes, men with too much cologne (lol I haven't experienced yet, but your cologne habits make me laugh.) I hope you know how thankful I am to have had you in my life all these years, and I hope to make you proud as time goes on.

Hope you and your brother are staying out of trouble in heaven, but if you're finding it and happy, that's cool too. It makes me happy to know that you are there with him even though we are here without you.

I love you, Michelle

many ways to build collective efficacy

 New teachers need mentors;

we show up.

Friday treats in the lounge each week;

we show up.

Warm fuzzies on Valentine's Day;

we show up.

To lead staff development and pick the best practices;

we show up.

When there are birthdays, engagements, and new babies;

we show up.

To have fun with one another, day-to-day;

we show up.

To all the documents that archive our work and help us improve instruction year to year;

we show up.

When someone just needs a hug or to cry or vent;

we show up.

When someone becomes unwell;

we show up.

When there is loss and grief;

we show up.

In love and support for Ukraine;

we show up.

You want a nana?

I am a creature of habit. Every morning for breakfast I have a protein shake and for the last six months it has been chai banana. Just a half of banana but every day, I always call out to Sunny since she is usually in the other room, "Sunny, you want a nana?" She comes running over and then as long as it's a thin slice, she's happy to enjoy this little treat. 

These rituals I find in every day small moments, even with my dog, make me so happy.

clever kids

 I teach in a middle school and my favorite of the three grades is eighth. But, no matter if it is sixth, seventh, or eighth, there are a few things that us middle school teachers say, on repeat, year after year.

Today, a friend and I were standing in the hall during passing period and I had called out to a group of boys about 20 feet away, "Hey, stop touching each other!"

After I said that, Rachel turned to me and asked, "There are just some things we never stop saying, aren't there," as two kids ran by and I called, "Walk, please!"

I looked back and we both laughed, adding that to the list.

Just then, a student from the first group of boys walked up, and said, "Hey, but I had consent."

Rachel and I looked at him, a little confused, and asked, "You had consent?"

This kid, we'll call him JT, replied, "Yeah, you said stop touching each other. I had consent. That's important, and I had it," he deadpanned.

Rachel I just burst into laughter. This kid is so clever and totally can deliver the jokes - we've both taught him and we have this kind of relationship - and it was just the funniest response I've ever heard to the stop-touching-each-other feedback.

Another day in middle school :-)

Oh, she'll let you know

I've had a hectic schedule the past two days, and my dog, and consequently, myself, are feeling the effects. My pup Sunny is a Micro Mini Golden Doodle and she's almost two, so she's got a ton of energy. In Chicago, it's been cold still, and the last two days I've had meetings after school, putting me home later than expected. What this means for Sunny is that she got quick walks from the downstairs neighbors and then a tired mama at home who tries to give her attention but is often lacking the energy to do so.

But Sunny is speaking to me.

Specifically, at midnight.

When she woke me up last night.

Trying to play with me.

In bed.

So today we will be going to the park and meeting her bff Zion for at least an hour of running. Hopefully more, depending on sunset. Will be our first time at our fave park since last fall... send good vibes that the sun stays out on a warm Chicago day!

Sunny is the black one :-)

What, no meat rose?

 Yesterday, I had an awesome lunch. I was thinking that it wouldn't be filling, but I had a leadership meeting after school and no problem, I was good to go until I got home for dinner. Here's what it consisted of:

There were cherry tomatoes with a balsamic glaze, ritz crackers, hard salami, and this fresh mozzarella that was marinating in olive oil with a bunch of spices. (All this from Trader Joe's!) Only thing missing was some bread, but my stepmom and I had finished it all the night before.

Because it was so good, I posted the above pic in my Instagram stories (naturally). My sister, who had visited me in December thinks she's soooo clever with her reply that I didn't have a meat rose.

Are you familiar with this? I tried over Christmas to make one but I didn't not do enough research and it didn't turn out so well.

Pro tip: buy your meats for this project at the deli as regular cold cut size, the little ones just didn't do it.

But Emily, your joke, 10/10.

I could cry

Thinking back to losing my stepdad to covid last August,

I could cry.

Remembering how Andrea hugged me every day for three months after, 

I could cry.

Getting the news that I had some complex oral surgery to schedule,

I could cry.

Having friends and my stepmonster give up their time to take me to said appointments,

I could cry.

Hearing that one of my exes who I cared for immensely passed away,

I could cry.

Thinking of how I showed up to say a goodbye and encountered great people and a few beautiful friends,

I could cry.

Knowing that so many of my friends are struggling with complex life situations,

I could cry.

Seeing how we all come together to support one another when needed at school,

I could cry.

Wondering about how one of our students is doing health-wise,

I could cry

Watching my colleagues encompass the block around our school and his home in yellow ribbons,

I could cry.

Reflecting on all this with my principal a few days ago....

We did.