overcommitted, but still finding the joy

Last week was rough for me. In particular last Friday was the worst. I was on exhaustion status which ran my patience thin. Then I reached out to a parent and had a response that I wasn't expecting. And so I cried. I got off the phone and went in the a quiet office to shake it off, and then went on about my day.

I haven't written since before then too, I have bitten off waaaay more than I can chew. I do this sometimes. Volleyball? Love it. Volunteering at church? Also love. Slicing in march with all my friends? Yes, please. But add that to all my other commitments and getting closer towards spring break and it's a recipe for disaster.

The last post I composed and connected with TWT was about a week ago, and around that time I had also read the post on TWT storytelling and band-aids. There's definitely moments when I'm writing on steam of consciousness and not doing the bit-by-bit storytelling. I think in the past week I  got in my head and was judging my work, and perhaps the past eight days when I haven't blogged, maybe I've given up a little.

But then I got an invitation to blog with friends. I was supposed to do this last Thursday, but then things were really hectic, and to be completely honest, I totally forgot.

But I've been remembering about this appointment ever since last Thursday at this time. Right now I'm visiting a fifth grade classroom and it's...peaceful. The room is lovingly managed by two teachers who hold very high expectations for the kids, and yet also find ways to joke and laugh with them in such a way that they kids can get right back to work shortly after. Their morning meeting was calming and full of smiles and now students are scattered around the room writing in flexible seating spots. A new friend came up and sat and chatted with me, and now we are sitting side by side, writing together.

What I love about this TWT community (and my local community here in Berwyn) is the connection it brings. To sit down with someone, and just be in the same space, even if that means you are sitting without talking, and writing instead, I honestly can't think of another place I'd rather be at this moment. Thank you KS and KVW for inviting me, and not being upset with me when I totally spaced last week. This moment has reinvigorated my writing life this month!

🤷🏽‍♀️

No ideas now.

Too lazy to create one.

So this is it, kids.

Original Gangsta

This isn't even my slice to tell, but it was so funny, I had to post it.

My ELA class is a combination of 7th and 8th grade students. They stay for two years, so our current eighth graders are on year two with us. It's cool, because they become the mentors to the seventh graders.

Yesterday, when I was home sick, I guess one of the seventh graders told one of the eighth graders that he needed to rename the turtle (the stuffed animal turtle that sits in the window and is used as a talking piece sometimes during discussions).

She replied, "You aren't even an OG in this class, you can't name the turtle!"

My coteacher told me she overheard this conversation yesterday and meant to text it to me last night. Kids are so funny, especially when they use language like this in the perfect context!

hope

I am on the RCIA team at my church. Last night, we all went over to the cathedral in Chicago for the Rite of Election. All of the candidates have signed the Book of Elect, and are joining the Catholic faith at the Easter Vigil.

It was just a beautiful service. The church is much different than my home church, must more.... angular. But beautiful in a totally different way!

And the most beautiful thing? Probably a few hundred people who feel called to the Catholic faith, all going to complete the Sacraments in a few short weeks.

Before Old St. Pats, I noticed the "churchy" people, but didn't get it. It felt a certain way to read when they posted bible verses, a way that was just confusing to me. I kinda stayed away because we fear what we don't understand usually, right?

But now I'm one of those people. Now I get it, because now I know how much peace I find sitting in the pews at my home church. The music is beautiful, our priests give the best homilies, and each Sunday I am filled up with so much joy that I feel compelled to go forward and find all the abundant things in my life... and attempt to share them with others :-)

So to all of those people who are going to be baptized and then confirmed on Easter Vigil, thank you for reminding us of all the hope that exists in our community. In spite of all the brokenness that is the Catholic Church, each of you are a reminder that there is so much hope to be found in this precious life.

good news!

This is a model from writing I picked up watching Rachel Hollis on Amazon Prime in Made for More. Before they start their training, they ask the crowd to share good news. This news could be simple things like "I found my fave new shoes ON SALE" or bigger things like, "My cousin beat cancer." All news is good news, so here is some from me today.

Good news!
I got a huge chunk of my To Do list completed on Thursday.

Good news!
The weather in Chicago is creeping up into the 40s. It's a heat wave!

Good news!
My class's behavior was ON POINT Thursday. Like, so much that I offered 15 minutes of free time tomorrow (first time all year) if they could do that again. It was BLISSSSSSS.

Good news!
I saw Aziz Ansari the other night. SOOO GOOD.

Good news!
The last of four book club books came in and our new 7th grade book clubs are all set in poetry: The Crossover, Brown Girl Dreaming, Bronx Masquerade, and Home of the Brave. Can't wait to get started with these after spring break!

Good news!
After days of indulging on not-so-healthy food choices, it's always great to return to routines and add health back in via densely nutritious protein shakes and detox teas.

Good news!
We rolled the clocks back so the daylight will stay with us even longer now. Summer is on the horizon!

steamy

Every year my friend, she's so kind, takes me to the Avani Spa in Fontana, Wisconsin. We get a massage and hang out in the pool area all day. It's lovely.

My fave location in the whole place? The steam room. I had never been in one before coming here, but I love sitting in there.

Just Thursday I finally caught a cold, so to sit in a room that's like a giant netty pot is THE BEST. (Minus the gross part of the netty pot.) I swear, my skin is so conditioned every time I get to spend some time in this little, it's-a-good-sweat room! Wanna go sit in a giant humidifier? Yes, please!

when lunch stinks

I am a meal planning person. Every weekend I make a bunch of lunches and some dinners and portion them up so I'm good to go daily with healthy food to keep me feeling well throughout the week. This week I made a Portillo's Chopped salad (it's delicious) and homemade dressing.

The dressing consists of balsamic vinegar, olive oil, garlic, and a bunch of spices.

Fast forward to yesterday, I ate in my classroom alone. Was much in need of some quiet time. Salad was delicious, I ate at my conferring table. And as the kids came in for block 4, I haphazardly threw all the dishes into my lunch bag, but didn't close up the containers. I didn't realize how strong of a scent that particular dressing had.

Block 4 began, I was working on some other things outside of my room, but ran back to my space about 45 minutes later to grab something. I come in to Israel shaking his head. "Ms. Brezek. Why?" He, along with a few others, were working together with their teacher at my conferring table. Israel continues, "That smell, it's terrible. What was that?"

I had no context for what he was talking about. I must have looked confused, because his teacher chimed in. "I moved your lunch bag over there and also dropped a few drops of lavender essential oil. The kids were really distracted by your lunch."

Israel continued, "Yeah, it smells so bad. What *was that?"

Feeling a little embarrassed, I realized I didn't wash the dishes or or even close the lids. "Oh yeah, sorry guys, it was salad dressing..."

Israel interrupts again, "It's like, I just can't focus. It's so strong." He's shaking his head, clearly distraught.

At the time, I didn't realize how strong it was. But that night after school, I didn't go home, I had another commitment. And on my way there, I slammed on my brakes, my lunch bag flew to the floor, and the scents got all wound up again. I picked it all up, but when I got into my car that evening after about 3 hours of time, it did smell. It totally stunk, and I could feel Israel's pain.

How is it that I can have a delicious lunch and the remnants are just miserable?!

on being a mom (kinda)

So did you read my post about Annie a few days ago? If not, start there.

Today I saw her during block 4 and I don't even remember what she was talking my ear off about but then I interrupted, "I wrote about you and Adam on my blog."

"AHHHHH, MS. BREZEK! WHYYYYY?" She paused, then continued, "I gotta read it."

Lauren was overhearing this and says, "Oh, on bigtimeliteracy? Let me pull that up." (Lauren did her first slice of life challenge in 4th grade with me, FOUR years ago, nbd.) :-)

She does and reads it. She tells me, "You write so descriptively."

My heart swells. Because (1) she compliments my writing, but more so (2) she can appreciate descriptive writing.

Annie walks back over to me, all smiles. Kinda embarrassed, but also kinda appreciating the attention. "You're like my mom, Ms. Brezek." She's smiling, kinda laughing. "Like, she does stuff like this. I don't know, you're just kinda like her."

(I honestly don't remember anything she said after the comparison.)

Mostly I was just feeling like I got the best compliment ever.

multi-tasking is b*ll$h*t

I bought this book awhile ago:

I tried it out and it was difficult, so I set it aside. Then I noticed Oprah was doing a book study with the author, Eckhart Tolle, on her podcast. This week she released the conversation about chapter 9, next week it will all conclude.

In chapter 9 book, Eckhart states:

I used to think multitasking was the thing. Like look at me, I'm getting all these things done all at once, woweeeee!

But in the past few years, I've reconsidered. You can't be doing all the things at once. Well, to rephrase, you can be, but you won't be doing them well.

I find myself sitting at my desk at work, focused on one task. Then my email will ping, and I USED to just stop my work flow and go over to my email. At times now, I still do that, but now I catch myself. And I stop myself. And I go back to the first thing I was doing until it's complete. Then I will probably check my to do list before I go to the email, because people do not need a reply within 1 or 10 or even 60 minutes. Things can wait.

Our phones cause the same problem. We are doing something - making lunch or washing dishes, or folding laundry, or even at dinner with a friend or family member. The phone pings, and you interrupt what you're doing and give your attention that that.

Now that I've been more reflective of this fact, I've gotten so much more mindful of my phone. If I'm out with a friend, the phone is out of sight. I want the people I'm with to know that they are what's most important. I want my full attention to be on them.

If I'm home working on something, like right now, I'm writing this blog. My phone is on silent. It's still within arm's reach, but it's turned over and on silent. I want to finish one thing at a time.

When I'm at work in planning meetings of any sort, my phone is usually right there, but it's on silent and turned over. I'm not responding to email and I even try super hard to keep head space fully engaged with what I'm working on with people. It's important to me to be fully present for the 40-45 minutes we are working together.

And when I'm alone, I am tired of being anxious about the future or stressed about something I said earlier in the day. So now I just try and catch myself when I'm in anything but the present moment. It takes time, but it's making a difference to be fully present at each moment. And it helps.

Anyways, I guess I used to think multitasking was the shit, but now I think it's bullshit. So let's spend some time together so I can get fully present to you and I and the work or fun we will find ourselves in.

Sidenote #1: I do like taking pics, so I may grab my phone for that. But the posting of said pics, later on :-)

Sidenote #2: I highly recommend you listen to Oprah's series on this book. Chapters 1 and 2 are tough, but starting on 3, it's amazing, and I think about as life-changing as Brené Brown's work!

Who's with me on this?

what I'm loving

Some things I'm currently loving are...

♥ that all my friends are blogging right now.
Our district has some pretty forward-thinking teachers, so it's cool how we're all sharing small moments of our daily lives with one another in March.

♥ that spring is coming!
Pretty sure we turn the clocks ahead next weekend. St. Patty's Day is coming (one year it was like 65 in Chicago that day, hoping for that!) Baseball is coming. Spring break is coming. WHen the sun is out, my spirits have an instant lift!

♥ rituals and traditions.
Fat Tuesday is here, tomorrow Ash Wednesday, and it's the season of Lent. Easter will be here soon. I love these parts of the calendar each year to remind me of things in life, and that they signal new easons are upon us!

♥ Hobby Lobby.
I've been dreaming of the gallery wall I want to create in my living room above my desk. Hobby Lobby has the best stuff for this, can't wait to share it with you once it's complete!

♥ my yearly visit to Lake Geneva with Lizzy!
Next weekend we will go to the spa and stay at the room her parents own at the resort. There's always a lovely brunch in there, too, can't wait to go!

♥ the app called Over.
If you like Word Swag, this one takes it up like 100 levels, but you can create amazing graphics and flyers from the convenience of your iPhone!

What are you loving at the moment?

tweet tweet

Ahhh, spring in 8th grade. (Today it's 2 degrees in Chicago, but who's counting?) But ahhhh, spring in 8th grade. The kids are finding their boyfriends and girlfriends, and what esle could be better?

Well, what could be worse is your teacher calling you out on it.

There are these two kiddos who I especially adore. Let's call them Annie and Adam. I have known Annie since she was in fifth grade, when that was our last year at the elementary school. After that year, we both looped up (me back) to the middle school.

The following year, I had Adam in homeroom. Sixth graders are kinda shy, but he was always a personable kid. Annie and I lost a bit of touch until this year, but we have since reconnected and I see her, and Adam, every day again.

As eighth graders, these two are the best. They are funny, witty, smart, people persons. They are both in ELA with Andrea during block 4, and although I do not teach that block with her, I sometimes find myself in there after my other commitments, packing up to go home. Without a doubt, these two will ALWAYS find a way to say hello. Annie sits right by where my space is, and Adam usually needs his pencil sharpened (which is right by my space) about the time I return.

For most of the year, it was just fun and pleasantries. Until Annie and Adam became an item.

Now, I can do that thing that parents and teachers do - just a look and they'll blush.

But sometimes, I'll see them in the hall together, and I'll be like, "Hey Lovebirds!" (This is so reminiscent of Julia Bray, a coteacher I had about a decade ago, that I miss dearly.)

They will see, or hear this, and immediately blush and walk away from one another.

But the best? One afternoon I did this, and a friend of Adam's, let's call him Sam, followed up my greeting with "Tweet, tweet." 

Someone who understands me!

This is the best, especially with the kindest, funniest, happiest kids who will let it go and quietly remind me later to please stop. (I will not.)

Chirp

I live in an apartment. Five units, three floors. I'm on the second floor, rear apartment. I love this home. When people visit they always tell me, "It's so cozy here." Yup.  This is part of the reason I'm cool being home by myself.

But there is a chirp happening. It's the smoke detector in the hallway to the units, somewhere. Throughout the day when I'm home, I hear it, but intermittently. So I hear it, think I should fix it, remind myself I don't have a ladder, and then continue with what I was doing in the first place.

But then it chirps again.

Totally reminded me of that modern family episode when Phil Dunphy (one of my fave characters of all time on TV) tries to fix his, check it out:

There mine goes again. I think I'll text my landlord and let him take care of it. After all, he's making the big bucks.

On Being Seen

I had a hard week. There were a lot of meetings, a lot of things to do, I didn't even realize my to do list was so long on Monday morning when I got to work. Does that ever happen to you? You come into work all casual and calm, and then it's like a bomb went off within 20 minutes? On a work level, that was how my week started.

Additionally I've been pretty aggravated on the dating scene. Usually the problem is I meet guys, and it's not a match. The last one was a match. But now the timing is off. Uggghhh.

I hadn't really reflected much on my week aside from being annoyed at how stressed I was. But then I woke up Friday morning to a text from a friend from school. It was a gif of a hug and her message said, "Felt like you could use a hug! You seemed down today and it made me sad friend."

I didn't realize how I was coming off so.....sad? But she did.

And this text message? Instant lift.

Is the best thing to be seen, or what? To know that there are people out there who care for you so much that they stop everything they are doing to send a message and let you know that you matter?

In the big grand scheme of life, I can't think of few other acts of love, like this one, that has the power to drastically change someone's day. So to my friend, and her coteacher who is also this way with me, thank you. My week is ending way better than how it started.

Cookie Complication

Can we talk about Girl Scout cookies for a hot second? Like, how I have no self control with them?

When your friends' kids are on Facebook being little entrepreneurs and promising funny videos when they hit 50 boxes sold, you place an order. Obviously, the cookies are delicious, so you were planning on it anyways, but then the videos make it even more precious.

I ordered four boxes this year: three Thin Mint and one S'mores. $20 seemed like a good donation. Except I'm only one person. I live alone. And I didn't gift any of the boxes to anyone.

I'm pretty embarrassed to say that I got the four boxes just one week ago. Three boxes are gone completely, and I've about finished a sleeve of Thin Mints as I am typing this.

I can go for WEEKS eliminating dairy, gluten, sugar, caffeine, alcohol and soy. AND YET, when the girl scout cookies arrive, my thinking turns into, "Well, at least if I just hurry up and eat them, they will be out of the house." Like, wuuuut?

And after a sleeve of Thin Mints? I know I will feel so terrible. But. I. Just. Can't. Stop.

So my request: please tell me I'm not the only one living this insanity at cookie time. Just a quick comment, and it can be as simple as that little emoji with his/her hand in the air. That would mean so much!