Murderous Thoughts

about food. Yes, you heard read that right.

So I'm basically on like day 1 of a month of (as clean as possible) eating. I'm cutting sugars, carbs, and alcohol and really anything that has more than one ingredient. Except one cheat meal each week, but I haven't yet determined on what day that will be happening.

We are starting a Biggest Loser competition this week at work and that's highly motivating, so I want to do good.

Today I've done really well. Here's what I've eaten and drank:

Warm Lemon Water (Read why here.)
Breakfast: Kashi cereal with a 1/2 banana
Got hungry around 10:30 and ate: Cocoa Roasted Almonds
32 oz of water by end of lunch
Lunch: Grilled chicken and steamed broccoli and a Cutie
Got home, apple and peanut butter <--- Was really wanting something like chips and salsa or something worse like those Munchies; settled on an apple instead
Cup of hot tea
Dinner: Salad, microwaved potato, and a hamburger no bun
Almost finished the second 32oz-er of water.

I'm not even hungry, but I'm so pissed that I can't have a glass of wine or any of those mint M&Ms in the secret drawer (that's not so secret) or a bun on my hamburger. I feel like this:

Not even day 1!! Grrr

Anyone who tells you that you can't be addicted to food - they're a fool and I'm the proof. I am - straight up addicted - not lying. (Wish I was.) (Read about it here or #4 here.) I've let food become almost like an extension of my self - that crappy, processed, food - especially miserable junk food! Its addictive and makes us sick and I've got to be undergoing some crazing detoxing or something.

Which - question: Can I even be in detox if I haven't completely given up all sugar and carbs??

But for now, after I finish this blog, I'm going to read, then watch the Bachelor, go to to bed, and get up and repeat this GD process all over again.

One day at a time. That's all I can handle.

Written on sugar cubes?
Do you see where my mind goes?

Am I the only one who is dealing with this?! Please tell me I'm not alone!!!

PS- Murderous thoughts? I have no idea what that even means - other than I'm angry about not eating what I want. Not planning any murders though. Should I even have posted this?!

PSS- Did you know I started blogging here on Good, Good Life because of a food challenge? Waaaayyyy before BigTime Literacy. It's kinda theraputic, actually!